Truthfully...

I grapple with the truth sometimes. I think this is because I try and be honest and kind... And I believe that everyone else, or at least most everyone else, tries to be the same. And their truth... It might be different than my truth. Because it's all about perspective. And then I begin to mess around with... Well, who's truth is true? Is it mine? Yours? Both? Neither?

It's a problem, and it causes me to stop a lot. But then, I remind myself to leave my own mind, and focus on doing what feels natural and right to me in the moment, and not concern myself so much with other people's truths. 

I'm hard on myself. I forget, sometimes, that I have to live in here.

It's been one of those nights filled with lots of heavy-headed thinking. Probably due to the fact that I had an overly full weekend. That's always how it goes for me. But now, after clearing my head, I can get a good night's sleep, and start fresh with a new day!

And... My Peace Corps interview went well. Now, I wait for nomination!

Happy Halloween!

rcrawf

Namaste!

I met my Bhutanese family yesterday, but not before getting seriously lost in the city... So lost that we were nearly an hour late for our meeting. Let me tell you, Mapquest is not my friend.

My partner for this Bhutanese adventure is a very sweet freshman by the name of Arielle. Actually, everyone I met yesterday was really sweet... Which just made me feel all the worse when I got super stressed at the driving messes. But, boy! Were they messes! Lost on the way there. Lost on the way back. The only place I felt "found" was at my family's apartment.

They don't have a lot, but they're quite content. They seemed so happy to have us there working with them. We all spoke together for a little, getting to know one another. At the end, Arielle sat with Govinda, the head of the home. He can read and write in English a bit, so they were working together reading and spelling words from his lessons.

I sat with Hadi, his wife. She cannot read or write in Bhutanese or English, so I spent my time with her pointing to various objects. She would tell me how to say it in Nepali, and I would then tell her the word in English. This became rather challenging, because again, not a lot of items in the room. I've never had to practice English like this before, so I'm thinking picture flashcards might be a good investment for her.

I did teach Govinda how to say "Thank you" and "You're Welcome." I wrote them out after saying it a couple times. Thank you is such a commonplace thing to say... So, being able to teach it made me feel really nice. The ability to express gratitude is a gift and I'm happy to say that Govinda taught me how to say thank you in Nepali, too! Dhanybhad, Govinda!

Speaking of gratitude: I am outrageously grateful for all the exciting developments in my life, this Refugee volunteering included. As my days fill up, so does my heart. I'd like to do it all, but sometimes choices have to be made. Options weighed. And I can do it all... Just not all at the same time!

As I start to fill my time with things I genuinely love to do, my life grows in richness. I can't wait to share my riches with the world that has made such a wonderful existence possible.

So, Namaste and Dhanybhad, world!

Interview, or Taking Inventory of Your Existence

Next week, at around this time, I'll be heading downtown on the train to my very first Peace Corps interview.

Oh, gosh.

I am so excited and nervous. The initial application process was kind of a rush. Lots of information about myself that needed to be gathered. It's interesting how applications make you stop and take inventory of your existence. They ask: what have you done; who are you; who do you want to be. It's both terrifying and healing, in it's own respective ways. But your identity on paper... Well, it's just that. It's the interview where your recruiter will really get a sense of who you are.

There are parts about my existence that worry me in regards to being called to serve. Like the fact that Andrew and I only recently broke up... And the fact that I transferred colleges four times. That's not the type of stuff they like to see. They like to see unattached people, strong in the current of chance. Malleable to any situation.

I like to think I am that person now, but wasn't always. We are constantly fluctuating beings. And while I wasn't always the sound, steady person I am now.... I was always a person who wanted to serve in the Peace Corps. When I realized that I could actually serve, really do so confidently, I worked at making myself the best person I could be for the job. I only hope my recruiter thinks so as well.

In other volunteering news, I start with Exodus World Services tomorrow! I can't wait to meet my Bhutanese family and really get to know them. I'm also excited to meet Arielle, my Refugee partner. I want to make a connection with the family. Really become an ally for them in this difficult time. I want to be there for them in the way that they truly need me, not just in the way that I think I should be there for them.

So, lots of exciting things! Off to make an egg sandwich and read for class.

Have a lovely day all!