If You're Down

There is a place so lovely, and so full of life. Some lucky few are born into this place living and breathing. See, they could have been born into a rock. Or a tree. Or they could have been one of the tiny floating specks in a river full of specks. But no, not these lucky few. They were given life. Sometimes, it got messy and dangerous and scary. There were times when those lucky few didn’t feel so very lucky at all. But they were living and breathing and thinking and even sometimes smiled and laughed and felt wonderful. Sometimes these lucky few cried and thought how nice it would be to just be a rock or a tree or a speck. But someone came along and reminded them that they were lucky. They were special. They had been given rare gifts like hands and eyes and mouths and feet and thoughts and the great and terrifying gift of a heart. And with those hands, they poked at their surroundings, touching everything around them, though sometimes they didn’t believe so. And with those eyes they saw sunlight and art and read words off of pages filled with stories just as sad and wonderful as theirs. And with those mouths they spoke words that no one else had uttered ever before, because they were theirs. With feet, they traveled. With thoughts, they dreamed. And with their hearts, they loved. These lucky few were free to love deeper and with more power than any other thing in this rare place. Sometimes, they forgot how use their hearts, or they broke. But other times, these lucky few got to hold love in their beating, living hearts. And it was in those moments that they truly appreciated how lucky and few they actually were.

There is a place like this, with these lucky few.

If you look hard enough, I think you’ll see it's right where you are.

Lovely Endings

So, first things first. I graduated!

Second things second, my tutoring at Leyden came to a close a couple days ago. It was actually quite sad saying goodbye to the youngsters. But they sent me off well! I've never seen so many bags of chips in my life. And those chips were GONE in 20 minutes. They wiped them out. It was rather impressive, actually.

They also bound the short stories and poems we worked on together a couple months back. I almost lost it, it was so beautiful. One of the girls drew a marvelous picture for the cover. It was unbelievably thoughtful. I should have pictures from the festivities soon. Can't wait to post those up!

I owe that entire experience to the wonderful teachers at Leyden. They made everything possible. They opened up their doors to me, sharing not only their time but their knowledge in teaching. Without them, I wouldn't have been nominated for Peace Corps. I wouldn't have had one of the most incredible times of my life.

My last semester of college was certainly a memorable one. I've learned so much from all the different places I've went and all the different people I've met. Each one with a purpose in guiding my life. I can only hope I've led others even a tiny bit like they have led me.

Happy Summer, all!

Yikes! And also, ouch.

That's pretty accurate to how I feel right now.

Last week, I finally sent in all the medical paperwork that I'd been working on for the past couple months. It's taken me forever for a variety of reasons... I'd been sick, my doctor had been away, I've been fighting to keep up with my last semester of college. But, much in the fashion of Mortal Kombat, I FINISHED IT!

The rumors were true. This portion of the application was not fun. It was nerve-wracking. It was expensive. It was detailed. Very, very detailed. It hurt (lots of needles). And it was filled with some twists I kind of kicked myself for not seeing. But it was a serious investment in my future life, and I'm very happy that I've been able to check it off the list of PC things to do.

Now, I wait. Whether the waiting will be easier or harder than the last couple months remains to be seen, but waiting is progress in regards to the PC application. From what I've read, it's a huge part of it, actually. It's important to get good and comfortable with waiting...

Next step: Graduation!

The Unsettled Breeze

Cool breezes make me romantic. They curl around my arms like ribbons. They make me sleepy. They make me still. Passing from all parts, the wind that touched my thighs might have touched the hands of a boy in Oceania, and I can feel his wandering fingers. Sighing into the wind, it sighs back at me.

Lightly it tugs strands of my hair up and away from my face. How it plays around my face! And is the wind alone? Or are winds many? And do they stay connected by a common string, and is it strong when they flail about, furrowing and twisting in millions of different directions? And this soft breeze now... is its tail pulled by a tornado?

Soft, cool breeze. How you rush and flutter in rivets, in torrents, in storms. You are but a push of air in empty pockets of weather. But you enter in through my open window - and I opened it for you, welcoming, as I pulled back the shade - carrying with you the touch of hundreds of hands. You brush against my nose, my knees, my wrists, and I let you.

I let you in. You make me feel.

The Essential Goodness of Mankind: On New Orleans

In the midst of all my daily schtick, I had the happy treat of visiting New Orleans for the International English Honors Society Conference. How taken I was with that glorious place!

The narrow streets wind, each curve bringing vibrantly colored buildings, each with balconies lavishly decorated with leftover Mardi Gras beads. The silvery purples, vibrant greens, burning golds blending together to create a color that can only be known as New Orleans Fire. Each open door invites you in with a mingling of jazz, blues, rock n' roll. Wafting scents of sweet pralines tickle all the right taste buds. The seafood? Unreal. The po'boys? A standard. The beignets?! FORGET IT, you'll never taste anything like 'em. But it's the people, with their fantastic southern drawl and unabashed friendliness, that make New Orleans glow. Their pride and reverence for their city is truly addictive. Much like the streets, it winds, and suddenly it's in you and it's yours.

It's not a perfect city. And it's seen its share of pain and devastation. But my gosh, if I could admire it for nothing more than the strength of it's healing, that would be enough to make me love it forever. But it's also just so gosh-darn alive! The kind of alive that catches in the pit of your stomach as you chug down a trolley line to who knows what, the kind that races through you when you're standing on a tree stump at the edge of a swampy pond and the man a couple benches away starts playing a harmonica in the most beautifully unexpected way, the kind that manifests itself in the peaceful hum of a jazz tune playing as you peruse the bookshelves of a second-hand bookshop while the sun streams through the cracked second-story window. The kind of alive that makes you realize - suddenly and with great urgency - that you yourself are alive.

Two months left until a graduate. An estimated six months until I leave for Peace Corps. Lots to look forward to, but even more to enjoy in the present - and isn't that just a marvelous thing?!

On a marker near this spot:
"This place of beauty and serenity is dedicated to my family
and to the principle of the essential goodness of mankind." - Roger Houston Ogden

Happy Living, all!

Well, that was rough...

Goodness, these past couple weeks were quite up there on the "Feeling-Less-Than-Awesome" scale! After getting my wisdom teeth out and dealing with that pain, I got really quite sick from some sort of flu. And on my birthday weekend, too! Outrage.

I think it was my body telling me to take it easy. There had been a lot of things getting to me... Things with school, things with my future, things with myself. There were some serious thought spirals happening in a bad way. With all my bad-sickness-feelings, I was having trouble looking positively at anything. But like they ("they") say, time heals all. So, I took some time. I got better. I did A LOT of sleeping. It was almost like I recharged.

The worst part about being sick was missing class at Leyden. My supervisors were incredibly understanding and made me feel a ton better about my absences, but I'm still sad I missed. The students did the presentations I helped them with, and I really would have LOVED seeing them present. I'm planning a writing exercise with them... I'm actually too excited about it. The fact that Mrs. B is letting me try my hand at lesson planning is an absolute privilege. I kid you not, she is the best. I'm really lucky to be able to help her in her classes.

All my medical appointments are scheduled! Gotta start sending all that stuff in. They aren't kidding about the medical packet being intimidating, but I'll do me and be as overly-thorough as possible. Next step: exploring a wider range of volunteering opportunities - probably though Chicago Cares - and finding affordable teacher training/seminars to attend.

Everyone, stay well! Take vitamins! And for goodness sake, get some rest.

Happy February!

How Light My Boots Are Right Now

Okay. Okay okay. I've been wanting to update for a while about my last visit with Govinda and the family. I wanted to update about my new volunteering gig at my old high school. I wanted to let everyone know how the TEFL course was going - good, by the way - but I haven't. I don't know if I was waiting for this, but maybe somehow I was.

It's taken longer for me than other applicants. But isn't that just the Peace Corps for ya? Everyone's journey is different.

Anyway, I woke up this morning with a very exciting update in my Peace Corps Toolkit. It's official:

I'VE BEEN NOMINATED FOR SERVICE!!!!

Okay, freaking out. I got my wisdom teeth out a couple days ago - another step in the right PC direction - and it hurts when I smile but gosh darn it, I just can't stop smiling.

I know the pre-journey isn't over yet. There will be a lot more waiting and trials when the medical and dental packets come. But this was a big hurtle for me. I worked hard to prove myself a worthy nominee. And I'm excited for the steps to come.

Not so excited to tell my parents... But that's just another challenge I'll soon face. And in time, I hope they can be happy for me, and supportive, and understanding. Ahhh, but enough of that! This is a happy post filled with happy forth-comings.

I have so many thoughts rushing through my head... So many things that need to get done. But right now, I think I'll simply lay down, ice my jaw, and try not to smile too much. This is my path. And it's winding and wacky and wonderful and I'm so grateful to walk it.

Happy Nomination Day!

P.S. "How Light My Boots Are Right Now" comes from the novel Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close which I am re-reading for the English Honors Society conference panel that we're leading at the end of February. NOLA, here we come!